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Being unfollowed on Smule


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I used to often join a person i follow on smule and like their songs, then he started following me (it was nice, but i joined and liked because i liked singing with that person, there are many people i follow that don't follow me back and it doesn't bother me). He joined one or two of my songs too, and liked some. I thought the enjoyment was on both sides until he unfollowed me. I'm really saddened and shocked by it. I thought we were connecting and I don't know if it's by accident or not, i don't think it is. I don't know if i have to ask the person about it or not, i think it's their right and i don't want to beg for a follow because that's not my intention, but i want to know why, especially when i didn't even care if they followed me or not at first, they chose to do it. This sabotaged my enjoyment singing with the person and i don't know if i want to stay connected or not anymore. Should i just let it be or ask the person about it? 

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3 hours ago, Guests said:

I used to often join a person i follow on smule and like their songs, then he started following me (it was nice, but i joined and liked because i liked singing with that person, there are many people i follow that don't follow me back and it doesn't bother me). He joined one or two of my songs too, and liked some. I thought the enjoyment was on both sides until he unfollowed me. I'm really saddened and shocked by it. I thought we were connecting and I don't know if it's by accident or not, i don't think it is. I don't know if i have to ask the person about it or not, i think it's their right and i don't want to beg for a follow because that's not my intention, but i want to know why, especially when i didn't even care if they followed me or not at first, they chose to do it. This sabotaged my enjoyment singing with the person and i don't know if i want to stay connected or not anymore. Should i just let it be or ask the person about it? 

Maybe I can help you see it in a way that's less hurtful. Personally, I find Smule's notification system frustrating and there's a limit to how many you can see and no way to filter it.

When I follow someone, it's usually about notifications. How many songs someone tends to open and whether or not we have similar taste in music is the main consideration.

I've unfollowed some people whom I genuinely like, just so I won't miss everyone else's opens.  If they're opening a few songs every day, in a week my feed would end up being saturated with only 3-4 people.  I know to manually check for new opens when I want to sing with them. 

Also, I usually don't follow back if someone doesn't open songs at all.  The reason being that there's no reason to.  I've also unfollowed someone if they haven't joined me or aren't active on the app anymore.

That all said, I've never unfollowed anyone because I don't like them. If I've joined someone even once, I like them.

If anyone ever sent me a note that they were hurt because I didn't follow them, I'd follow them. I'd always prioritize someone's feelings over my account maintenance.

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2 hours ago, RockMeSlowly said:

Maybe I can help you see it in a way that's less hurtful. Personally, I find Smule's notification system frustrating and there's a limit to how many you can see and no way to filter it.

When I follow someone, it's usually about notifications. How many songs someone tends to open and whether or not we have similar taste in music is the main consideration.

I've unfollowed some people whom I genuinely like, just so I won't miss everyone else's opens.  If they're opening a few songs every day, in a week my feed would end up being saturated with only 3-4 people.  I know to manually check for new opens when I want to sing with them. 

Also, I usually don't follow back if someone doesn't open songs at all.  The reason being that there's no reason to.  I've also unfollowed someone if they haven't joined me or aren't active on the app anymore.

That all said, I've never unfollowed anyone because I don't like them. If I've joined someone even once, I like them.

If anyone ever sent me a note that they were hurt because I didn't follow them, I'd follow them. I'd always prioritize someone's feelings over my account maintenance.

Very interesting.. Thank you for your reply. Personally i open like once a week, it can be 2 up to 10 songs on average per week. The person does open a lot, a few per day. I would only know 2 or 3 songs from the bunch he opens, so our music taste is kinda different, maybe that's the reason. Also, i used to join every song i knew but i join a little less now, and join on songs i really like and if i really feel like singing. If not i bookmark or just like the recording if i like it. Maybe he got offended by me joining him less. The person unfollowed a bunch other also recently. He follows not many people so it makes sense that he's picky, i just thought that i would never be unfollowed as we really connected. But i understand better with your perspective. 

It's kind of you to prioritise people's feelings. I wanted to tell the person about it and ask them if it was a bug or something to ask them without directly asking them to follow, but i don't want to put the person in an uncomfortable situation as it is their right. I think i will just let it be, and as you said manually check for opens when i want to sing with the person. 

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36 minutes ago, Guests said:

Very interesting.. Thank you for your reply. Personally i open like once a week, it can be 2 up to 10 songs on average per week. The person does open a lot, a few per day. I would only know 2 or 3 songs from the bunch he opens, so our music taste is kinda different, maybe that's the reason. Also, i used to join every song i knew but i join a little less now, and join on songs i really like and if i really feel like singing. If not i bookmark or just like the recording if i like it. Maybe he got offended by me joining him less. The person unfollowed a bunch other also recently. He follows not many people so it makes sense that he's picky, i just thought that i would never be unfollowed as we really connected. But i understand better with your perspective. 

It's kind of you to prioritise people's feelings. I wanted to tell the person about it and ask them if it was a bug or something to ask them without directly asking them to follow, but i don't want to put the person in an uncomfortable situation as it is their right. I think i will just let it be, and as you said manually check for opens when i want to sing with the person. 

It's such sticky subject. Personally, if someone was hurt, I'd want to know so I could fix it.  That said, I'm guessing that I'm unusual in that way. 

I wouldn't blame it on a glitch (since you're both aware that he manually unfollowed), but maybe mention that you were doing account maintenance and noticed you two weren't connected. Rather than frame it as being hurt, I'd maybe frame it in a "do you think I'm opening too many songs?" way.  Assuming it wasn't personal will take away the awkward and give you am answer.

My guess is maybe he was cleaning up his account and didn't make the connection between the username and you.  I've done that before; where I'm ready to remove someone I don't recognize and suddenly think "Wait, who is this again?" - then I look and I'm glad I checked.

Remember, on the main list, the visuals aren't that big.

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1 hour ago, Guests said:

Very interesting.. Thank you for your reply. Personally i open like once a week, it can be 2 up to 10 songs on average per week. The person does open a lot, a few per day. I would only know 2 or 3 songs from the bunch he opens, so our music taste is kinda different, maybe that's the reason. Also, i used to join every song i knew but i join a little less now, and join on songs i really like and if i really feel like singing. If not i bookmark or just like the recording if i like it. Maybe he got offended by me joining him less. The person unfollowed a bunch other also recently. He follows not many people so it makes sense that he's picky, i just thought that i would never be unfollowed as we really connected. But i understand better with your perspective. 

It's kind of you to prioritise people's feelings. I wanted to tell the person about it and ask them if it was a bug or something to ask them without directly asking them to follow, but i don't want to put the person in an uncomfortable situation as it is their right. I think i will just let it be, and as you said manually check for opens when i want to sing with the person. 

Two other things come to mind...

1) If you opened 10 songs in one sitting, that might have been the culprit.  If he has push notifications on, it means his phone might have gone off like crazy one night and he had to unfollow to stop the notifications. I actually did that once.

2) The app has a ton of crushing/ jealously going on. If you two had a connection brewing, someone might have gotten jealous and maybe the duets crossed the line. 

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13 hours ago, RockMeSlowly said:

It's such sticky subject. Personally, if someone was hurt, I'd want to know so I could fix it.  That said, I'm guessing that I'm unusual in that way. 

I wouldn't blame it on a glitch (since you're both aware that he manually unfollowed), but maybe mention that you were doing account maintenance and noticed you two weren't connected. Rather than frame it as being hurt, I'd maybe frame it in a "do you think I'm opening too many songs?" way.  Assuming it wasn't personal will take away the awkward and give you am answer.

My guess is maybe he was cleaning up his account and didn't make the connection between the username and you.  I've done that before; where I'm ready to remove someone I don't recognize and suddenly think "Wait, who is this again?" - then I look and I'm glad I checked.

Remember, on the main list, the visuals aren't that big.

I think asking in a "do you think i'm opening too many songs?" will be like asking did you unfollow because of that and if that's the reason for it (it most likely is), i think it will be an uncomfortable situation for the person to be in. 

But i don't think it's an accident, we followed each other and connected, and i didn't change my profile pic or username. And if that was the case the person would refollow i guess. 

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11 hours ago, RockMeSlowly said:

Two other things come to mind...

1) If you opened 10 songs in one sitting, that might have been the culprit.  If he has push notifications on, it means his phone might have gone off like crazy one night and he had to unfollow to stop the notifications. I actually did that once.

2) The app has a ton of crushing/ jealously going on. If you two had a connection brewing, someone might have gotten jealous and maybe the duets crossed the line. 

I used to open 2 or 3 songs per week for a while and then i opened like 8 songs, and some after like 2 days or so. It was at that week that the person unfollowed, it went down by 2 or 3 unfollows so i checked. But the person opens a lot so i was guessing it was odd. I didn't think opening 3 or 4 songs each day, and opening 10 at once per week was that much different. I think that might be it, thanks. 

But i don't understand your second point. 

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On 10/21/2021 at 6:34 AM, Guests said:

I used to open 2 or 3 songs per week for a while and then i opened like 8 songs, and some after like 2 days or so. It was at that week that the person unfollowed, it went down by 2 or 3 unfollows so i checked. But the person opens a lot so i was guessing it was odd. I didn't think opening 3 or 4 songs each day, and opening 10 at once per week was that much different. I think that might be it, thanks. 

But i don't understand your second point. 

My second point is he might have a jealous partner and he removed you from his follows for that reason. 😉 

That said, it's probably the multiple opens and  not personal.

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Just don't worry about it. You are following that person so you can always join that person's invites. If that person likes your singing one day or other you will be noticed and again will be followed. 😁😁

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Just don't worry about it. You are following that person so you can always join that person's invites. If that person likes your singing one day or other you will be noticed and again will be followed. 😁😁

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3 hours ago, sdr said:

Just don't worry about it. You are following that person so you can always join that person's invites. If that person likes your singing one day or other you will be noticed and again will be followed. 😁😁

Eh, I think that's easier said than done. I feel where she's coming from. Singing with people (even virtually) is deceptively intimate and rejection is a natural response.

I generally get good feedback and yet one person I enjoy singing with refuses to acknowledge any of my joins and it kills me. lol  It shouldn't bother me, but it totally does.

We're all human. 😉

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5 hours ago, RockMeSlowly said:

That said, it's probably the multiple opens and  not personal.

Yes, now i'm sure that's the reason. Thanks for your replies, put my mind at ease on the situation 😊

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28 minutes ago, RockMeSlowly said:

If you don't mind sharing, what's your username on the app? 

I don't know if i want to share that on the forum 😅 Otherwise i would have put my smule ID on here. 

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25 minutes ago, Guests said:

I don't know if i want to share that on the forum 😅 Otherwise i would have put my smule ID on here. 

Gotcha.  No worries. 

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6 minutes ago, RockMeSlowly said:

Gotcha.  No worries. 

Btw is yours with the same name? 

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I usually don't look at my number of followers often. Maybe only glance at it once or twice a week. The number usually fluctuates so I don't take it to heart when someone unfollows me. I just think to myself that they must have had their own reasons. Some of them followed me again later on lol. 

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On 10/21/2021 at 6:23 AM, A guest said:

I think asking in a "do you think i'm opening too many songs?" will be like asking did you unfollow because of that and if that's the reason for it (it most likely is), i think it will be an uncomfortable situation for the person to be in. 

But i don't think it's an accident, we followed each other and connected, and i didn't change my profile pic or username. And if that was the case the person would refollow i guess. 

Take my advice please. You won’t regret it. Let it go. You’ll never know the truth even if you ask but rest assure it isn’t you. When they start behaving weird (and weird is pretty common on the app) be thankful they’re gone.  I’ve been on the app long enough to know. You’re on the app for YOU! You pay the bill and you owe no one an explanation and they don’t owe you one. When I first started singing on the app it used to bother me when someone unfollowed me for no reason. Now I look back and think what a waste of time to had let it bother me. You’ll be happier if you just sing with others or yourself. One monkey don’t stop the show! 😃👍🏼

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I wouldn’t let it bother you too much! I sang with this woman and then she followed me. So I followed her back. I usually don’t follow someone back right away but I did this time. Then supposedly she join me on two songs and within a week she unfollowed me and said that I never liked the songs that she sang with me. The truth is I work 60 hours a week and I don’t always see notifications for people who join me but I do check it on the weekends. So she wasn’t patient enough to realize that people have lives other than singing all day. So I deleted the song I sang with her and I blocked her because I don’t have time for that. That’s one of the reasons I hate social media but I think the quality of the karaoke on this app is very good. It has its bad parts as well but I basically enjoy it. But I’m not gonna get into arguments with people through texting so I just block them if they delete stuff and make a big deal out of it.

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8 hours ago, sing_for_sanity said:

I wouldn’t let it bother you too much! I sang with this woman and then she followed me. So I followed her back. I usually don’t follow someone back right away but I did this time. Then supposedly she join me on two songs and within a week she unfollowed me and said that I never liked the songs that she sang with me. The truth is I work 60 hours a week and I don’t always see notifications for people who join me but I do check it on the weekends. So she wasn’t patient enough to realize that people have lives other than singing all day. So I deleted the song I sang with her and I blocked her because I don’t have time for that. That’s one of the reasons I hate social media but I think the quality of the karaoke on this app is very good. It has its bad parts as well but I basically enjoy it. But I’m not gonna get into arguments with people through texting so I just block them if they delete stuff and make a big deal out of it.

It is frustrating when people don't acknowledge your joins, but usually it's better to be patient as people can be busy or miss a notification. And join other songs of the same person too and not take it personal. At least you check your joins, but there are people who don't listen to their joins at all and i wonder why they do invites and not just sing solo. 

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4 hours ago, A guest said:

It is frustrating when people don't acknowledge your joins, but usually it's better to be patient as people can be busy or miss a notification. And join other songs of the same person too and not take it personal. At least you check your joins, but there are people who don't listen to their joins at all and i wonder why they do invites and not just sing solo. 

I've always wondered that too. Why go through the trouble of posting a public join and then ignore everyone who participates? 

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These are the people who just want to exhibit their singing. The only intention is to make sure that others listen to them and make their rec count increase with the joins. 

One way to deal with this situation is to delete your join after a few days. Typically 3 days after the week opening. If they respond and like your join within that 10days keep it. Otherwise just delete it without even blinking your eyes.

 

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There can be various reasons. People have different personalities and different reasons to open songs. So their actions will also be different. And they might be in a good mood, they might be in a bad mood. We cannot know that. 

I like to think of an OC as a chance for an interaction that both sides enjoy. A chance. Nothing more, nothing less. There is no set of obligations for opening a song (like “you shall listen to all joins”, “you shall acknowledge/thank all joiners” …)  and there should not be. Remember, it’s just a hobby app we use in our spare time. I would even go so far as to say that expecting acknowledgement is itself questionable. If I join an OC, I enjoy just that. The singing and having the recording of the duet. The person opening the song liking it too would certainly be the cherry on top of the cake, but acknowledgement shouldn’t be necessary or even what I am after.

And after thousands of duets on the app, I am also not a fan of generic “thank you messages” anymore. I rather hear nothing than getting a “thank you” that I know isn’t sincere and just left because it’s what one is supposed to do. So, in the same spirit, I am also avoiding to leaving such replies. But if I am truly thankful, I will say exactly that very clearly. 

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Follow me on Smule: https://smule.com/opentype 

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